faith + inspiration

I hope that you feel something when you read my blog or see my photos or watch my life. But I hope what you don’t feel is comparison, insecurity, inadequacy, lacking, or that somehow you and your life do not measure up.

I hope that you don’t feel like my life is perfect or that I have it all together. Please, dear friend, don’t ever feel like that. Don’t ever let yourself believe that the life that someone shares on the internet or on social media is perfect. No one has a perfect life. No one. I have a good life, but not a perfect one. Most days you will find me with an old t-shirt and baggy shorts and a poorly-done top knot that always seems to want to lean to one side and make me look hilarious. Most times there are piles of dishes by the sink and crumbs from Ayla’s high chair on the floor beyond the photos of a meal or a baked good that’s just come out of my oven. I try to keep a neat home because clutter drives me crazy, but I don’t keep a perfect home. My windows are dirty, a collection of random items that needs organizing sits on the dryer, dust bunnies hang from the ceiling fan in our bedroom. But you’ll probably never see any of this, and honestly, I’m not about to show it all to you.

There’s a lot of conversation on authenticity going on all over the online world and I think it’s a good conversation, absolutely. But I also think that perhaps we tend to think of authenticity as “share the nitty gritty, dirty corners, darkest places” kind of thing, and while yes I do think that can be a part of being authentic, I tend to see the beautiful, precious, lovely moments of life as the most authentic authenticity of all. My life is full of richness, blessings, goodness, love, light, sweet moments. I have hard days, hard moments, battles to fight, pressures to push back against, doubts, insecurities, messy corners, and uncleaned areas of both my heart and home…but I don’t live my life focusing on those things. I live my life looking for the beauty and the sacredness and the sweet pursuit of Jesus in the every day.

So I talk about our weekends that are full of good times with my husband and child and family and friends because those are the beautiful moments I want to dwell in. I write about the blessing of being a mama and how I enjoy my baby girl because that is what I want my heart to fully experience. I share photos of little moments and pretty things and good food because those are all the things that I receive as blessings and gifts from my God. Those are the things I want to focus my heart on….not the hard things or the dirty corners. I want to live and share my life authentically with all of you, sweet friends, but because my life truly is full of goodness and blessing and beauty, that is what I hope you will see both IRL (that’s “in real life,” for those of you like myself that didn’t even know what that meant until a few weeks ago…it’s impossible to keep up with all the slang these days!) and from my online spaces.

What about you: what are your thoughts about being authentic in these online spaces? Do you wrestle with knowing exactly how do that for your own self?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

The other day I made a list…because you know I love my lists.

I made a list because I realized that my little girl was getting older, growing right before my eyes. She’s starting to watch me and her dad, constantly noticing what we are doing…and she’s taking it in. She’s watched us all along of course, sitting in her Bumbo seat or bouncing in her jumper. But she’s just been a baby so far and it was just watching. There wasn’t that grown-up, observant look in her eyes that she has now…that taking in of all that is going on around her. It’s good, of course, that observant eye. But I’ll be honest…it scares me sometimes.

Because she’s watching me. She’s watching me all day, every day. She sits in the kitchen at my feet as I prepare food and bake treats and clean the dishes. She watches me curl my hair and put on make up and pick out clothes for the day. She’s right beside me as I fold laundry. She hears me when I talk to her dad and sits on my lap when I’m spending time with friends. She’s with me as I buy groceries or shop for things. She watches me as I sit, walk, eat, rest, love, work, worship. And in all of this, she is looking to me to show her what a woman is.

I will be her standard of normal for womanhood.

What an undeniably sacred, overwhelming, beautiful calling. I feel so inadequate for this…I feel so unprepared. I feel like I need her to stay small for a whole lot longer yet so I can get my act together. I don’t feel ready to have this precious little girl watching me and looking to me to show her what it means to be a woman. But maybe I won’t ever feel ready, really…because we don’t ever fully arrive, right? We’re always growing, changing, journeying toward greater freedom and fullness of life.

So back to the list. I wrote a list of all the things I want to instill into her heart…the qualities and characteristics that I want to see in her. I’m not concerned about what she will become or do with her life. If she wants to be a teacher or an astronaut or a line cook at a fancy restaurant, that’s all fine. But I am concerned about her becoming a woman, about growing up into all that she was designed for. These are some of the things I want for her:

I want her to be unhurried.
I want her to appreciate people and the beauty around her.
I want her to have freedom in who she is.
I want her to be a lover of God.
I want her to delight in being a woman.
I want her to work hard, but also know how to rest and be still.
I want her to believe in her own beauty.

I wrote this list and I sat back, stunned and overcome. Because this is the thing I saw in that moment…if I want all these things for her, I have to want all these things for me. If I want all these things for her, I need to walk in these ways as well. She’s looking to me to show her what it means to be a woman. She’s looking to me to live out all of the things that I wish for her to live out.

Help me, Lord.

What about you: what are some things you value to instill into your children?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!