You know what drives me crazy? It’s when I let my own insecurities and limiting beliefs about myself keep me from something amazing. Goodness, that drives me crazy.
I had a rough Easter weekend. What should have been one of the best weekends of the year spent celebrating Jesus and spending time with the ones I love was instead largely spent in some kind of weird emotional, spiritual funk. Ben was off on Friday, and I love those extra days when we can be together and go do fun outings or work on house projects. But I’ll be honest:: Friday was not a fun day. I don’t know why, really…but I felt like I under this cloud of accusation and judgment and shame. I couldn’t enjoy the breakfast outing we took together as a family and spent the entire meal wrestling against the old familiar thoughts of “you are so fat and ugly and embarrassing, you eat too much, you are worth nothing, you will never be beautiful.” I spent years living these thoughts as my truth, but Jesus has done an extraordinary work in my heart in the past two years and normally when I’m hit with negativity about myself, I can let it bounce off. But not on Friday. I spent the whole day with these lies nipping at my heart, feeling like I could’t get away from them. I spent most of the next day in the same state of mind, barely able to enjoy the time at the park with friends or the taco lunch on a perfect spring day or the time we spent on the biking trails. Shame chased me all day long and ruined what-should-have-been a perfectly delightful weekend.
I believe that shame has become one of the biggest enemies against women today. I know it’s certainly been one of my biggest enemies. Shame as defined by Brene Brown is this:: the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
Do you ever feel that way, like you don’t belong, like you’re not worthy of connection with other women, like you’re just not good enough? I so often feel like a shadow of a real woman, especially when I’m around other women. I let shame rob me of rich, meaningful relationships because I don’t walk in the worthiness that has been given to me by Jesus. I let comparison creep in, and before I know it, I’ve worked myself down into a pit of misery and dejection…feeling like I will never measure up, never be enough, never be the beautiful, worthy woman I want to be.
It’s lies, all lies. It’s the shame, coming to steal, kill, and destroy my heart. And I’ve just had enough of it! Enough of it in my life and enough of it in your life. There is no place for shame in our hearts. Jesus died to take away our shame and to give us love and belonging and connection and life abundant. When I feel the lies, accusation, the shame coming back to haunt my heart, I have to run to the One who is Truth itself. I have to. It’s the only way to get out of the funk. It’s the only way to shut down the lies and find Truth and wholeness and freedom from shame.
So go on, woman…get rid of the shame. Don’t let it keep you down any more. You are worthy, beautiful, delightful.
What about you: do you find yourself battling shame in your own heart as well? What are your thoughts on rising above this shame?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
This message is always, always so needed. The thing that sneaks up on me at random times is the sense of not belonging, being an intruder in friendships and the joy of living. So grateful that is only a lie. We are called t to join the party!💜🎉
LOVE this. Because I totally know what you mean about the whole intruder thing…I think I’ve sort of felt that way my whole life. But it’s so freeing to know that I was placed where I am for a purpose, and I am also invited to the party!
We are called to join the party….I LOVE THAT!!! 😀
“I let shame rob me of rich, meaningful relationships because I don’t walk in the worthiness that has been given to me by Jesus. I let comparison creep in, and before I know it, I’ve worked myself down into a pit of misery and dejection…feeling like I will never measure up, never be enough, never be the beautiful, worthy woman I want to be.” < I so get that!
I love your writing and your heart. I think sometimes it's helpful to me to say aloud truth, like a verse that speaks the truth of who I am in Christ. But, I'll be honest, often times I try to stuff those feelings and pretend I don't hear them.
Oh, I so want to get my hands on some more of Brene Brown's books!
I also find it so key to say truth OUT LOUD to myself too. There is something powerful in our verbal words declaring truth that can break through to our hearts in a new way. I love B. Brown’s stuff. It’s be revolutionary to my ideas of shame, relationships, and connection!
I agree. I have learned over many years of comparison,feeling like I didn’t measure up,or the pain of rejection, that we all have our special gifts to offer others. We are all beautiful in our own way. I used to isolate myself from others, afraid of rejection,or being misunderstood. I have gone through many difficult experiences with people, yet have been given a heart for people. Ironic. So, I have to choose to look at Jesus,and tell the devil I won’t believe his lies. I choose to love thoes God brings. I choose to reach out. Because whatever happens, I have a Father who loves me.
Thankyou for sharing! Christina
Yes, yes, yes! This is a great testimony, Christina. Thanks for sharing!
this. THIS.
I needed it tonight.
I struggle with this so much. Tonight it was a huge embarrassing moment when out with some acquaintances for dinner. And I felt so worthless for doing something stupid (yet again), and so unworthy of any acceptance or friendship or love or anything. But to know that mistakes are okay, to rest in His endless love…
thank you.
It can be hard to remember that literally EVERYONE makes mistakes, and also hard to remember that our own mistakes are far more glaring to US and that others hardly even notice those slip-ups that we do. And it’s also hard to remember that what we DO doesn’t define who we ARE. 🙂
We were just talking about shame last night. This article, if you haven’t already seen it, is so good. One of the best and most helpful things I’ve read about shame and the Gospel… although I still could read it every day to wash my mind with truth it has to fight to believe. –> https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/shame-the-image-of-god-and-finding-freedom-to-love
Such a GOOD article! Wow…thanks for sharing, Shanna!
I will soon be 65 years old and I still struggle with this. I have accepted it as a battle that I will be fighting at some point for the rest of my life. I know Jesus loves me but sometimes the shame makes me feel it isn’t enough. The enemy is always on the prowl and is a master in knowing our deepest vulnerabilities. You have to fight those lies with TRUTH but still, it is a battle that for me, will probably not end until I reach my eternal home. Mthanks for your courage in sharing your vulnerabilities! You have a sweet, sweet spirit that shines through your writings.
It is a battle, and some moments we lose…but I believe that Jesus does give us strength and ability to completely overcome those lies of shame, embarrassment, and unworthiness. You are a precious gem, and thank you so much for reading + sharing some of YOUR heart!
I feel like this was exactly what i need to hear…..right now….in this very moment. Shame comes with comparison…with doubt…with little thoughts one starts believing. It exhausts you, and makes one feel so UNWORTHY. Thank you for your heart + encouragement.
You are right on: shame comes with comparison. It’s when I start to compare myself to others around me that I start to feel like I am less than or not enough or too much or all of the above. You got this, Whit, I’m so proud of you.
I know this feeling too many times and the last few years have been a journey of beginning to recognize it and come out of it but it is so hard!