I’m afraid I have become one of those people.
You know, the kind of pregnant blogger that suddenly can’t stop writing about all things pregnancy and babies and such. I wasn’t going to be that kind, truly…but one of my strongest personality traits is that I’m a really, really big all or nothing kind of person. If I’m in something, I’m IN it. It can be a weakness actually, and there have been many times I’ve wished I would just be a bit more mellow when it comes to being excited or involved in something. Passion and excitement is a good thing, but left out of control, it can develop into something consuming and obsessive.
So I don’t plan to only blog about pregnanty things in the months to come, or only about my baby in the years to come, but considering that pregnancy and babies have become a huge part of my world right now, you’ll still be hearing about it. Hopefully you’re ok with it. 🙂
I feel like there are so many exciting things happening right now, and I get these moments when my heart feels so full and overwhelmed that I just don’t know what to do with myself. Usually in those moments, I just smile to myself and put my hands over my belly and thank the Lord for the miracle of life. Every single day with this child is a gift, and we are never promised more than the moment we are in. I don’t let myself dwell in the fears about losing this child, but I can’t say that I don’t ever think about it. Miscarriages have happened to many of my friends and family, and as I told a dear friend a few days ago, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child, and honestly I hope I never do…but I do know that the minute you know that there is a life inside of you, it is your child. And it will always be a part of your heart, no matter if you never get to meet that life on this side of heaven. No matter if it was four weeks old or forty weeks old. So each day that I carry this baby, I cherish it.
I had my first checkup visit with my midwife yesterday, and everything is looking as it should be. We found out that we are actually two weeks further along that we thought! I know it’s only two weeks, but suddenly it feels like April will be here so soon! I realized this morning that by Thanksgiving, I will be halfway through this pregnancy, and that blows up my mind. I feel like it’s went by so fast so far, and I know the next few months will only go faster since we are incredibly busy with trips and family visits and Christmas.
We also got to hear our baby’s heartbeat yesterday (!!!), and it was the most magical and surreal thing I’ve ever heard. Ben recorded it on his cell phone, and we just sit around and listen to it over and over. My sister says ‘it’s the sweetest little heartbeat I’ve ever heard,’ and I completely agree.
I’ve also got the slightest little bump going on now, and I love that so much. It pretty much just looks like I’ve just eaten a really big burrito at this point, but it’s still a bump! The baby is the size of an avocado, and it just seems like he’s growing so fast (ps…we’re not finding out the gender of our baby, and i use ‘he’ and ‘she’ interchangeably, so don’t get confused if i say ‘he’ one day and ‘she’ the next).
I’ve been feeling so much better the last week, and my energy is almost back to normal, although I still go to bed much earlier than normal. I don’t have many food aversions any more (besides kale…kale still completely freaks me out), and it feels so good to be back to myself again.
Pregnancy has changed me, as I’ve mentioned before. I’ve slowed down so much, and find myself just enjoying a slow drive or taking my time getting my work done or just sitting in the living room watching the fire and thinking. I feel much more introspective and retrospective and future-spective, and life feels more serious than it did a few months ago. I like that, because having a child and raising a child is serious. Not serious in a stoic kind of serious where you never laugh or tease or be silly, but serious in a way that this is an eternal soul that has been placed into our care for safe keeping. This is an eternal soul that has been placed in our home to be trained in the way he should go, and to ultimately, be led into knowing Jesus. It’s serious…and sacred. And I hope and pray that I never lose sight of that.
What about you: did you find pregnancy + the thought of raising a child change you in any way?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I'm pretty sure being pregnant, and especially having a baby, changes who you are forever. Anthony & I joke that it's made us “old” because we can hardly relate to the things that seemed important and consuming in those teen years… Life and the view of it is so completely different when every decision you make is about someone else… When every choice is based on the hope of giving this little life the very best chance at the life God already has planned out to the letter. <3 In short, yes. I think I got a lot more serious when I was pregnant. haha!
Oh please do carry on with the pregnancy diaries! I am loving them. 🙂
Pregnancy and being a mother definitely does change a person. But in a very wonderful way. I think being a mother has the potential for a heart to swell and enlarge and overflow with love in ways she may not have had otherwise. It also has potential for pain like nothing else as well, in the event of loss. But there is such fulfillment in pouring out your life (quite literally in pregnancy, you are spending your life for that little one developing) for someone beyond yourself. It is such a gift!
Wish you the best! xo
There comes a time when you simply have to embrace adulthood and all its seriousness and adultness. This is one of those times, and you know, it's good. 🙂
Thanks for reading + the inspiration on mothering and pouring yourself out for someone else. It definitely takes you to a new level of sacrifice, but so worth every second of it.