MOTHERHOOD IS MY BLESSING

I never knew I would love being a mama like I do.

I never knew the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that my days full of nursings, diaper changes, snuggles and kisses, sleepy grins, pudgy toes and fingers, and even the inevitable fussing and crying would give me. I mean, I knew I wanted babies and children of my own…I knew I would probably enjoy it to a certain degree and that I would feel fulfillment in my place as a mama. I knew it would probably feel pretty amazing to look my child in the eyes and see half of me and half of my husband looking right back at me. I knew it would it would be a joy to parent alongside my best friend and baby daddy. I knew I would love to be called a mama.

But I never knew how much.

Now granted, you could look at me and be like “you’ve got it easy, dear…wait until you have three or five or seven kids and then see how much you enjoy it!” I mean, I have one child…one sweet little dear who is usually a happy, contented soul. You could tell me that I’ve got it easy and to not pass this positive judgement on motherhood until I’ve truly experienced it in all it’s nitty gritty. You could tell me that but I can’t promise I would listen or believe you. Matter of fact, I hope that I wouldn’t listen to or believe you.

A few nights ago, we had a rough afternoon and evening. Ayla was all fine and happy up until four o’clock but when I went to put her down for a nap, she just lost it! She had eaten only an hour earlier and she normally goes 2.5 or 3 hours before needing food again, so I didn’t think she was hungry…but after a few minutes of unconsolable crying, I decided she did seem/sound hungry (new mamas, it’s true that you do learn to tell what your babies cries mean! i always thought that sounded so impossible!). So I fed her, and she settled down for a nap soon after that.

I had plans to go spend the evening at a baby shower for one of my friends and I was really looking forward to it. It was pretty much the last time I would get to be with the ladies and friends from our church before we move, and plus, who doesn’t love a baby shower! I got showered and dressed, and Ben and I sat down for a quick supper together before we headed out for our respective evening plans. About ten minutes before I needed to leave for the party, we got Ayla up from her nap and I fed her and Ben snuggled with her for a few minutes…and then it all went south. I mean, total meltdown. TOTAL MELTDOWN. I’ve never seen her so upset and unconsolable before, and she’s had her fair share of meltdowns in the past three months. Ben had her in the nursery rocking her and trying to get her to settle down…and the poor dear just wouldn’t have it. And then I just knew that I couldn’t go to the party that evening. It just wasn’t right. Maybe we would get her settled down and she’d be fine for the rest of the evening…but something inside my heart just knew it wasn’t right.

So instead of spending the evening with my friends and ooh-ing/aaah-ing over cute baby gifts and sharing tidbits about newborns, I spent the evening with my baby girl, just being a mom. Ben had plans to go out with a friend and I had to practically force him to still go even if I wasn’t going out…so it was just me and Ayla for most of the evening. She took a nap and then woke up to eat, and I sat in the nursery watching the daylight wan down to dusk as she snuggled up and nursed for over forty-five minutes. She typically nurses for five or six minutes max…but that night she needed more than food. She needed mama. She needed the comfort and love and warmth of my body and heart. In all honesty, I hadn’t spent much time with her that day. My to-do list was a mile long and it was a busy day trying to get stuff done, and she got shoved to the side a little too much. I don’t know what caused her to meltdown like she did, but maybe she was just feeling the tension and busyness of the day.

As I sat there for those forty-five minutes just holding her, it honestly felt like a sacred moment. It felt like I could almost reach out my hand and feel the very presence of heaven. I don’t know how to fully describe it, but it was such a beautiful time. Just being there…giving my child what she needed.

I said it this way on my Instagram: “It’s not how I planned to spend my evening…extra nursings, snuggles, and comforting a fussy baby. But being a mother is all about giving, right? We give our time, love, sleep, bodies, voice, emotions, and hearts to these little ones we call our own. And sometimes we give up what we want for the sake of what is best for them. It’s the nitty gritty of motherhood, and while I would love to be at that party tonight, giving my little girl what she needs is the most rewarding thing I could do with my evening. This is motherhood and it is my blessing.”

This is motherhood and it is my blessing.

What about you: what are your favorite moments/memories/blessings in being a mother?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!