Insecurities.
I get so wearied with them sometimes. They just get so tiresome and annoying and inhibiting. Insecurities make me feel like a shadow of my true self and like I’m a sort of outsider in my own life. They make me feel like I don’t belong.
And I am so weary of it.
I look around and everyone else always seems so secure and comfortable in their own skin. Everyone else seems so ok with who they are and how they look and with their personality and life, and then I look at myself and feel like I have so far to go to ever get to that point.
The most beautiful and inspirational people are those who are absolutely secure in who they are. They are the ones who are not apologizing for their life or letting shame keep them from being who they are created to be. They are just simply content, not from complacency, but from security.
One of the most frustrating aspects of insecurity is that I can completely know that it is there and that insecurity is the reason that I feel so negative on myself sometimes. I can know that, but yet somehow it doesn’t always change anything. Sometimes it does. Sometimes I’m strong enough to see the voices and lies for what they are and just push them away. But far too often, I hear them and take them in and find myself falling into a place where I feel like a shadow. That place where you are trying really hard to be alright and content and strong, but inside there’s just a pile of mush.
This post feels pretty vulnerable, but I really think that this is something we all struggle with. I think especially as women we really struggle with this. I think sometimes comparison and competition feels stronger than love and fellowship, and I despise that. I think that our struggle with insecurity can keep us from experiencing life as it is meant to be experienced. I know for a fact that my insecurities have kept me from doing things that would have been amazing or knowing people that would have been inspirational. And I also despise that.
I’m not sure if there’s really an instant anti-dote for insecurities. I don’t know of a way to just turn it off and be secure. I think these feelings are something we each have to wrestle with and to pursue our own individual freedom in. I do know that one of the best things (and perhaps really the only thing) to do is to focus on knowing the identity that Jesus gives you, which is not contingent on looks or personality or accomplishments. My truest identity is based solely on Him, and I feel most secure when I am living from that place. That’s sometimes easier said than done, and it’s not always easy. Our feelings can be so strong, strong enough that they can drown out the truth. But I know that within each of us is a strength and an ability to rise above those lies and false feelings of insecurity and unworthiness…a strength to rise up to all that we are meant to be.
That’s what I want. That’s the journey I walk.
What about you: do you find yourself struggling with comparison, and thus with insecurities?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I've struggled with insecurity and negativity all my life. You are right, I think we all do, some just recognize and admit it more than others and I think it's important to admit it so that we seek confidence from the Lord. 🙂 I know for me, I can look back on times when insecurity was so bad it really shaped my whole way of thinking about life and situations in general, things were so foggy and I didn't even realize it, and now that I look and I see that God got me through those times, those days when I was so negative and hard on myself and He has grown me in those very specific areas because of that insecurity that I went through. It's like, where I was once insecure, He has filled those areas with confidence, His confidence. Does the evil one try to come and take that confidence away by sending lies flying at me at times, oh yea…. and that's when I recognize that and ask God to protect me and it gets better and I get through it. Life is filled with struggles and ups and downs, it's a journey and I'm just thankful that when struggles come, the Lord is there to help us and make us stronger once we've made it through 🙂
LOVE your posts, Alicia! You are such a beautiful person, inside and out! I so admire you! 🙂 I think it's great when we are open and “vulnerable” because then people who read think “you know, I am going through something right now, I can connect with them” or maybe that person needs prayer or needs to talk to someone and when we are open and vulnerable or open to the Lord, it makes those who are in need able to connect and open up to what the Lord wants to do in their lives. 🙂
I love your comments + thoughts on this, Heather! YOU are a true inspiration.
I really could not even begin to describe how much I can relate to this post…. It is almost frightening how I could have written every line myself!!
“Insecurities make me feel like a shadow of my true self and like I'm a sort of outsider in my own life. They make me feel like I don't belong.”
“Sometimes I'm strong enough to see the voices and lies for what they are and just push them away. But far too often, I hear them and take them in and find myself falling into a place where I feel like a shadow. That place where you are trying really hard to be alright and content and strong, but inside there's just a pile of mush.”
Amen, amen, amen! I'll spare you the details but I have been struggling with comparison of myself and another for a number of years now. It has caused me pain, insecurity, doubt, jealousy, and some of my darkest moments. To God (and ONLY God) be the glory, I am making progress in my struggle. But it is still a journey and a process!! I have not shared much about it on my blog because it is still too vulnerable for me. I feel like I am constantly saying to myself, “Not now. Maybe I'll share someday when I have it all conquered and figured out and I can say THIS is how you do it! THIS is how you find victory.” But this post has given me courage to share even as I am still on the journey.
Thank you for your honesty! You may never know how many people benefitted from what you shared, but you can know for certain that I have.
-blessings-
Thanks for sharing this, Shelley. It's always encouraging when people are able to connect + identify with similar struggles, and it's sad that we live in a world that tries to keep us from being open and honest about those struggles.
I feel like your own blog does so well at being transparent and I love that about you! And one day, when the time is right, I would love to read more of the journey God has you on.
Love it friend, It is definitely something we all struggle with! I have however seen you rise about those things and I see you as a beautiful secure woman who knows what true beauty and acceptance is! Writing this makes me miss you, I want a cup of coffee and nice long talk with you, an hour last time just wasn't enough! Love you 🙂