Can I talk again about competition + comparison?
Ok, good, because I’m doing that today.
Sometimes I feel like some of the things I write are a bit repetitive. Maybe that’s because these kinds of posts come out of what I have to work through personally, and since this whole comparison thing is something I haven’t mastered or fully overcome yet, I write on.
I will be honest with you: sometimes I feel comparison rise up so strong in my heart. And then the competition comes with it. I compare, then I find myself lacking in whatever area I’m comparing, and then I set about figuring out how I can get better than him or her so when I compare again I can realize that, hey, I’m not so bad after all.
I despise that about myself.
I despise that feeling rising up inside of me that first of all compares and then sets out to compete.
I despise how comparison and competition makes people a kind of enemy, because in my mind they are the ones making me feel so down on myself.
I despise how this whole thing drives a wall into relationships, because it’s hard to feel free and relational with someone you are competing against.
Maybe you don’t struggle with this, and if you don’t, good for you. But if you are like me and have to fight against this feeling sometime, then hi.
For example, I can do that with my blog. If I start to compare to others that I either know or don’t know who have blogs, then I quickly start to feel silly and uncreative and like my page designs looks weird or whatever. When that happens, I have three courses of action to choose from:
> don’t give in to the comparison/competition
> give in to the comparison/competition and set out to make my blog way better than anyone else’s
> shut down and cut off what I have been given in the way of inspiration and creativity.
If I choose number one, there is peace in the knowledge that I am who I am and they are who they are. Everyone’s creativity and inspiration is different, and that’s a good thing. We should celebrate the God-given awesome-ness about other people, not compete against it.
If I choose number two, then all I find is striving and drivenness in my life. Not fun, my friends. Not fun at all.
If I choose number three, then I think something good and God-given would be shut down in me. Also not fun.
I’m just using the blog-thing as an example, but this can apply in any area of life. We can compare and compete with virtually anything. I struggle with comparing my style, body, creativity, personality, voice, talents, and popularity with others. And when I give in to that comparison, it will totally ruin my day. It just makes me feel down and negative and generally awful.
So what do we do? Well, it is, of course, always easier said than done, but really the only thing we can do is choose to stand against it. I’ve done that several times just this week when I felt myself comparing, just choosing in my soul to not go there. It’s not always easy and most times it just feel weird, because I think sometimes we get so used to finding our worth based on comparison. But for me, I know it’s worth the fight. It’s worth the fight to shove comparison away because I know there is something greater on the other side.
Like peace.
What about you: what are your thoughts on comparison + competition, and how have you seen this play out in your own life?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I have been there! (Well, I am there quite regularly, but not as bad as I used to be!) I've noticed that I tend to be competitive, mostly when it comes to the things I'm passionate about (photography, for example). In other things like games and sports, I could care less if people win. haha But it was a real struggle, especially when Jason and I started first shooting together, I wanted to be the best. We were both still learning at the time (well, I mean, we are always learning but we were at the beginning of it then) and there were some things he would catch on more quickly and it got to me, anytime he would get what I thought to be “the winner shot” I would get so jealous! It was a bad and toxic thing for our relationship and I had to learn to get over that or we never could have continued working together. Once I finally realized and got over some things, I was able to view it in a more healthy way and realize how we both have our different strengths, and that's what made us stronger when we worked together. Now, I'm beyond excited if he gets the “winning shot” LOL. It was a journey to get through, but I am so thankful I got over it because I know we wouldn't have been about to grow with me being in that mentality!
Great blog post! 🙂
Thank you for speaking that call to this soul today…the reminder that its worth it. Because when I'm in the middle of that self-pity/self-focus, it feels very not worth it.
Probably one of the things that's been bothering me most about what the whole comparison thing does to me, is that I can't love. I honestly cannot care + love + reach out to people like Jesus would when I've got all this comparison rattling around in my brain.
So thanks for reminding me again that the struggle is worth it. 🙂
I love what you said, “we both have our different strengths, and that's what made us stronger when we worked together,” and it's so true! Especially true in a husband-wife relationship, but even so with friends and family that we can compete with as well. I think so much of walking away from comparison is being able to find who WE are as an individual and learn to love that, and then realize that it's ok and GOOD to be different than someone else. Love your thoughts on this, Heather!
Thanks for sharing!
Oh, Miss Lynds, your comments always cheer my heart. You're so spot on! I completely agree: comparison blocks love. I know the times that I'm feeling free of self-focus and comparison are the times that I feel the most like reaching out and caring, but when I'm wrapped up in myself, it's just me + my little world. Thanks for your words on this.
You're right on.