PREGNANCY DIARIES // the waiting

I am not a naturally patient person.

I get annoyed at slow traffic and when my sister takes too long to get ready and when waiters are slow at a restaurant and just at waiting on anything in general. It’s a weakness of mine, and so many times in life I have to consciously remind myself that being hurried or quick about everything isn’t necessarily a glowing quality. Patience is gold, and I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of it in my bank account.

I’ve discovered that waiting on a baby to decide to be born is one of the truest tests of patience there ever will be.

I’ve found out that bodies don’t go into labor based on sheer will power and no matter how long or hard you stare at your belly and will it to start doing SOMETHING, it doesn’t. I told Ben a few days ago that it’s really so funny to me that one of the biggest events that will ever occur in our lives is so absolutely out of our own control and planning. You can bounce on a fitness ball for hours, pour hot sauce all over your food, take vigorous walks, and, um, other helpful things…and still, that baby will come when it will come. And you know, it’s ok. Our expectancy is heightened in the waiting, and even though I have some days when I want to feel so disappointed and discouraged that I’ve made it through another night or day without this baby in my arms, I know that this little one will come when the time is right. JUST PLEASE LET THAT BE SOON.

I am feeling pretty good most days, and while I have had some random bouts of nausea here and there in the past week, I have very little to complain about! Sleep is still a hit or miss, but like I’ve said all along, it’s such a great way to start getting used to less sleep, right? Some days I have boundless energy and other days zero energy, and I’ve just learned to take it as it comes. On the energy days, I clean and cook and organize, and take naps and watch Food Network and read magazines on the no energy days. I’m definitely getting more of those preliminary contractions, and every time they happen, I try to will them to just keep going and going…and one day, they will! And then we will do this thing called labor and delivery, and then our baby will be snuggled in our arms! Contractions are my friend (…although maybe don’t remind me of that when i’m actually doing the labor thing, haha!).

Everything is all ready at our home…baby room, birthing supplies, freezer meals, etc. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen floors almost every other day just so it’s for sure done when labor comes…because I’m not sure I could totally relax into the whole deal if there was messiness or clutter around, hehe. I made a batch of scones yesterday to keep in the freezer for my family when they come and for the midwives to munch on if they want while they wait on baby too. If baby waits too much longer, there may be a host of other goodies to welcome them as well. I just have to find things to do or else time goes much too slowly.

In some ways, it’s almost odd to think how quickly I will go from being pregnant to not being pregnant. I mean, it’s been my state for the past nine months, and in a matter of a few hours (or many hours, depending how our labor goes), my belly will deflate and that little human will no longer be inside of me. I have to wonder if I will somehow miss it sometimes…that sacred feeling of carrying a life inside of me. I do have to admit…I am looking forward to having a bigger variety of things to wear, since most of my shirts have by now turned into crop tops and my dresses end up a whole lot shorter than I’m comfortable with. A small price to pay for this child, of course, but it will be fun to wear some of my old clothes again!

One thing that has become my prayer in these last days of waiting is to not allow myself to lose sight of the joy and specialness of this season out of the anticipation and eagerness to be done with the waiting. I don’t succeed at that all the time, and some days I find myself feeling so frustrated and anxious…but taking time to pray and regain perspective sets my heart towards the joy once again. I want to cherish these last days with my child inside of me and not just wish them away. Soon (right? RIGHT?), this little one will make its way into our world, our home, and our arms.

And we couldn’t be more excited.

What about you: did you find the last days/weeks of waiting to be the hardest? What is your advice for this final season of waiting?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!