I’ve recently discovered a question that I’ve started to ask myself all the time and it has changed my life in a lot of ways. It’s the simplest one-word question, but it has such a big impact on my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives.
The question is: why?
WHY?
Why do I feel inadequate or stressed or anxious?
Why is my husband acting distracted or feeling worn down?
Why am I falling apart because dinner isn’t turning out like I want?
Why is my daughter acting fussy and needy?
Why am I so tempted to self-hate today?
Why do I want to react negatively to this person?
Why so I feel so unworthy or ashamed or like a second-rate woman?
Why why why.
I’ve found that when I ask myself the why question, it changes my perspective so quickly about something I’m feeling or how someone else is acting. The why takes me outside of the situation or the moment and lets me see what else is going on besides just what I can easily see, whether in my own heart or in the heart of the other person.
I feel inadequate, stressed, and anxious…because I’ve been letting accusations and judgment fill my head all day long.
My husband is distracted and worn down…because there’s a lot going on at work and we’ve been busy without much time for him to rest and reset.
I’m falling apart because of a failed dinner…because I wrongly demand perfection from myself.
My daughter is acting fussy or needy….because she’s not feeling well or I haven’t been spending enough time with her.
I am tempted to self-hate…because comparison is robbing me of my joy and I haven’t been intentional about stopping to hear the voice of Jesus telling me of all that I am.
I react negatively to that person…because I’m not looking past their brokenness and seeing into the place of hurt that they live from.
I feel unworthy and ashamed because I’ve stepped outside of my identity that is meant to be firmly rooted in Jesus Christ.
When I stop to see the why, I am able to step outside of the moment and see a much broader picture of what is really going on. When I can understand the why of all that is going on in my own heart or in the heart of someone else, I am able to offer grace so much deeper. Instead of getting frustrated with my husband for being distracted, I see why and that broader perspective enables me to take actions of love instead of feeling upset with him. When I understand the why when Ayla is fussy and needy, I’m enabled to again take actions of love to give her what she needs. And when I identify the why when my own heart is full of anxious thoughts, fears, and accusations, it enables me to take those things to Jesus so that He can set me free from them.
The why…it’s the best question!
What about you: do you find your own perspective changing when you ask yourself the why question?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I just read something this morning about how nobody talks to us more than ourselves and that when we just take in those thoughts, instead of challenging them, we believe all kinds of untrue things. I regularly (!) catch myself getting super upset and discouraged because something (my list, my work, the way I wanted to love Tim, whatever) I wanted to accomplish didn’t get done and so now I’m a failure and not valuable… as if there is something I do that makes me valuable. And when I actually stop and ask what am I thinking here, I realize, wait a minute, that is not the truth. You are valuable because you are made in God’s image! I find myself pursuing and doing so many things in an attempt to matter when, hello, I matter because God Himself made me and loves me! D. Martyn Lloyd Jones said when you wake up in the morning you are thinking this or that and someone is talking to you — your self is talking to you — and you have to stop and ask if what your self is saying is true.
Anyway that makes me think of your why question and also of the Psalmist when he turns to himself and says, “why are you downcast? Hope in God!” A good habit to practice, a good way to push ourselves to think.