Hey guys!
I’m still alive and well, and actually feeling very alive and very well these days. We are well into the second trimester of this pregnancy, and it’s definitely been the fun part so far! It was about a month ago that I really felt a big difference in my energy levels and even my emotional/mental levels, and I felt like I finally returned to a semblance of normal. It’s a sort of new-normal, but at least I don’t feel like someone else has taken over my body and mind like it felt like for those first few months.
I’m still feeling pretty mellow and slower than I usually am, and some days my brain feels majorly foggy and I am extremely clumsy (even more so than normal). I have a hard time remembering the simplest of things sometimes, and I feel like I’ve had more of what they call “blonde moments” in the past few months than I have in my entire lifetime. Oddly enough, it’s a little intriguing and even fun to feel my personality changing and mellowing. I’ve always secretly wanted to be one of those gentle, laid-back types who just float along on the winds of the day, not really caring what happens or when it happens or how things go. I’m generally a fairly opinionated person, and I’ve honestly lost a lot of my opinions. Most days I just get annoyed when I have to make a decision about something, and that just makes me laugh at myself. I love it.
Today is our official H A L F W A Y mark, which feels unbelievably unbelievable! If the last half goes by as quickly as the first half, then wow…April is like, tomorrow. Not that I mind, because some days my arms almost physically ache to hold the little one that is growing in my belly. I just want to snuggle and kiss and smell and feed and bathe and be a mommy this very day, this very second.
I guess I always had this kind of half-fear in my heart that when it came time to be a mommy, I would feel so completely unready for it. This child + the ones to come will completely change my life, and while of course there is no way to really fully understand how life will change until you actually experience it, I just know that it will change me and change my life completely. No more dashing off to town anytime I feel like it or sitting in coffee shops for some quiet + inspiring hours or sleeping as much as I want or as many nights on the town with my husband…and while I know those things won’t completely have to change, they will still have to change. My life will then be lived for the sake of someone else, and it will require sacrifice. Lots of sacrifice. But that’s what love is…it gives and gives and gives. I venture to say that I will know a lot more about love and it’s sacrifices by this time next year than I do now. And I like that. I feel as ready as I possibly can be to take on the role of being a mother…more ready than I ever imagined I would feel.
Our little one is about six inches long these days, and I’ve felt the barest of little flutters and kicks in the last few days. I can’t wait until they get stronger and undeniable, because the ones now are so small that I have to pretty much stop and concentrate to try to feel them. But they are there, and I love them so much.
I still don’t look super pregnant, and some days I just want to look super pregnant already. My belly is still in the looks-like-she-just-ate-a-large-burrito stage, but it is growing slowly and surely. Like I said, I am feeling super good and fairly energetic, although I still have random days where I.just.can’t.move. I can eat pretty much anything without feeling grossed out, and I even think I could handle eating the kale that’s been freaking me out since the beginning. My appetite comes and goes, and while most days I don’t have the ravenous appetite that some women talk about during this stage, I definitely do have some days where my stomach cannot fill up. I try to stay stocked up on mostly healthy snacks, and eat a lot of nuts and yogurt and cottage cheese and tons of fruit. My midwife is big on making sure I get plenty of protein in my diet, so I try to concentrate on having some with each meal and snack if possible. Although there are plenty of days where some pastry or ice cream or junky food sneak into my stomach…it’s called balance, you guys.
We are still super excited and honored with the gift of this little one, and spring-time cannot come fast enough for us!
What about you: how has children changed your life? Was the transition a difficult one for you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
