WHEN YOUR HUSBAND SAYS NO

I love being married.

I really and truly do. I am married to an exceptionally good man…not a perfect man (although perfect for me), but a good man. So very good. He has shown me a side of masculinity I’ve rarely seen before in my life…a masculinity that makes me feel so very female. And I love that. I think that’s how its supposed to work.

I’m not writing this to merely brag on my husband, although goodness knows I could dedicate an entire blog post to doing so.

No, I’m writing this to talk about when a husband says no.

Because sometimes my incredibly good husband says no. And oddly enough, it’s that no that makes up a part of his goodness. The ability that he has to tell me no is part of what makes him an incredibly good husband. The same is true of a parent: a good one will absolutely have times of telling the child no.

I am in no way comparing my husband to my parent, but essentially the principle applies in both positions. The role of a husband and the role of a father is to lead, protect, and guide the ones under his care. That is his God-given assignment. He didn’t ask for it. But it’s what he was created for. It’s his purpose, his place, his calling…he is a man and he is given tremendous responsibility for the well-being of his household.

Not to say that a wife and mother doesn’t play an important part in the well-being of a household, because she does. She plays a tremendous part as well. But it’s a different part…not a lesser part, but a different one.

So sometimes my husband tells me no, and sometimes I really don’t like it.

I was thinking about this whole thing a few days ago, and I thought back to several different times in the past year of my life when Ben said no to me. I remember last summer when there was a huge blockbuster movie that was out and everyone was watching it and talking about it, and it looked like a really great story. Big and epic and inspiring. I’m not a movie junkie, but when there’s a big and epic and inspiring story to read, hear, or watch, I’m in.

I really wanted to see this movie. But my husband said no. He said no because of something inside of him that didn’t feel right about the film, something inside of him that didn’t agree with the message it was giving. It wasn’t even anything he could put his finger on directly, but you know, he doesn’t have to.

I’ll be honest: at first, I was really really disappointed. Because I really wanted to see this big and epic and inspiring story. I had two choices with his decision: I could connive and convince and justify to him why we should watch this film in effort to change his mind, or I could trust and believe that he is good and true and that the peace that he wasn’t feeling about this thing was to be honored.

I chose the latter, although certainly not without inner conflict and my own wishes trying to convince me to convince him otherwise. Trust me, it really did take a while for me to be ok with this decision.

But now I get it. I still don’t know why exactly he didn’t feel ok with us watching that film, and I don’t need to. He is designed to protect me, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. But I have to choose to let him.

There are so many other times I think back to when there was a decision that I didn’t fully agree with or even understand. And it’s not always a yes-or-no decision, but even little things like what time to leave for the airport, or what items to bring along, or what kind of plans we should make. It has literally happened so many times now in the past year where his decision turned out way better than my idea that almost every time I am unsure about something he is deciding, I just grin to myself inside and know that I’ll understand why at some point. And that I better decide to trust in what he feels or else I’ll just be wrong and embarrassed.

My husband isn’t perfect, and it’s not like he never makes a wrong decision. But I am not perfect either, and it’s not that I always make the right decision. What I have learned is that sometimes his heart knows something that mine does not, and I believe that that knowing is put there by God. And that is what I trust, and that why I can be ok when my husband says no.

What about you: do you find it difficult to trust when you are told no? How do you react when a decision isn’t quite what you think it should be?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!